Everything happens for a reason

I love my family a lot and I hope you are all living your best lives as much as you can with the world the way it is. I think of all of you a lot of the time. I think about my life and I recall the smallest details. I do a lot of self-analysing, thinking about my choices, and actions during my life. I sometimes wish I had made different choices, followed different paths, but then I also try to believe that everything happens as it should, as it was planned and that we are all where we are for a reason and are where we are meant to be. I miss the opportunity to be able to see and hug and be close and do things for my family, children, grandchildren. If I bake crunchies, I think of my stepmother and I feel as if I am honouring her and am grateful for all she did for me as a child. The same when I am making rusks, I feel as if I am honouring Ouma and again I am grateful for all that she meant to us and all she did for us. When I am sorting through my “treasures”, love letters from my children, bible cover made by Ouma, letter from my stepmother, sewing buttons box made for me by my girls, before I left SA. I look at bookmarks in my bible from your Dad. Make-up bag made by Ouma, birthday cards from my mother, and so on. With each item there is a memory, or many memories attached. Handmade cards from Leticia, Chantel, and Zoe. I worry about my family and my mother and I say thank you to God that you are all safe and well.  I am not depressed I am not ungrateful; I just find I am in a place where the separation is sometimes undeniable. I think of you all, each one of you always, and pray that you will all be safe and happy. We are all so spread out upon this earth. I think about time, it goes so fast. I can still see my babies in my mind like they were born today, and then I think how the time went by so fast, like a blink.